Good morning everyone!
Today we have a writing treat! One of our guest reviewers, Lexi, has given me a short story to share with you. Comments are appreciated, as she would love to hear your thoughts about her piece.
Forever and Almost Always
By: Lexi McCurdy
I don’t remember much about the funeral. I remember crying. I never knew a person could hold so many tears until I lost him. I cried for him and I cried for myself. And then there was the rain. It was comforting, I chose to believe he was crying with me. He was missing me just like I missed him.
I gave a speech. Some speech I can’t even remember about how short our time was but how big our love was. It doesn’t matter, nothing I say will bring him back. Crying won’t bring him back, but I can’t seem to stop. It’s worse at night, when I’m all alone and forced to remember he’s gone forever.
It was hard to sit through the funeral. I could barely breathe without him there with me. I leaned on Olivia and Jason for support, because they were as close to Hunter as I could get now. He was gone. No matter how many times I heard it, or the thought crossed my mind, I couldn’t process that fact. I didn’t want to believe it was true, I wanted this all to be a dream and I would wake up to find him there waiting to chase the nightmares away like he always did.
Will had to pull me away from his grave. I stood there for a long time staring at the casket laying there in the dirt. I didn’t believe he was inside, but he was. Will became my rock and pulled me away. I owed a lot of my sanity to my friends. They were the anchors that kept me from running from this pain.
Sometimes at night the guilt takes over. Because I know that if I had never come here, Hunter wouldn’t be gone. I never would’ve met him and he’d still be alive and well. If I had never come here I never would’ve loved someone the way I loved Hunter. I’m thankful for Hunter, but that doesn’t mean I okay with him being gone. I miss him more with every breath I take. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone else.
I don’t want time to take away the pain. Because once the pain is gone, so is Hunter. I can’t lose him, I can’t forget him. Because I found myself here in this place, and it’s all because of him. I owe him so much more than I ever gave him. I didn’t think our time together would be so short.
I wonder if he was okay with his choices, because I was more than okay with mine.
I came to see Hunter every morning, but I didn’t feel him here with me at his grave. No in the evenings when I went to the tree, that’s where I knew he was watching over me.
Sometimes I think he’s just gone and he’s on his way back to me. I can hear him in the song on the radio, or feel him in the seat beside me. I remember his laughter, his smile. It’s hard to forget him because he made me a better person. He helped me find myself and now I will never get to repay him for that.
Some days are harder than others, I know it’s going to be like that for a while. But I hold onto the things Hunter taught me, the smiles and laughter he brought into my life. If it hadn’t been for him I would still be running, I would still be afraid. I have so much to live for, even if that means living without him.
But I will always love him.
He gave me my roots and no matter how hard they try, they can never take him away from me. Whenever I visit our tree, I know he’s there with me. I’ll carry him along with all the lessons he taught me. Hunter James was and always with be the love of my life. He is the roots I planted. Nothing will change that, no matter how far I fly. I finally have my roots and he’ll always be my home.
Because of him I can see now what it means to really live and love. I would lose him a thousand times over, if that was the only way I got to know him. Because he really is my angel, my saving grace, and now I hope he’s watching over me.
I remember every single moment with Hunter, the ones that mattered and the ones that didn’t seem important until they were gone. I can still feel the moment I fell in love with him. I can also feel the moment when he took my hand in his and I knew it would hurt when he let mine go. I still feel the kiss we shared when he was begging me to stay, his hands holding me tightly. And I will always remember the crooked smile he used whenever I was upset with him, his green eyes flashing as I gave into his charm.
The memories play out behind my closed eyes like a movie scene. They make me smile as much as they make me cry. Because our love was deep and rich. It was a love that was fleeting and we cherished very second we got together. We never thought it would end as quickly as it began, but it did. He was torn away from me, and I would do it all over again if that meant I got to fall in love with him for a second time in this life.
Our story is not a tragedy. Losing Hunter might hurt like hell, but I refuse to let our love story be defined as just another tragedy. No our story is more than that, because falling in love changed me. I experienced a love story that brought me through the wreckage that was once my life and into the home I had been searching for. I finally understood what it meant to open up to someone completely, and let them in, instead of running away.
Sometimes home isn’t a place, it’s the feeling of knowing you’ve found the person you want to spend you life with. It’s the memories you carry with you when they’re gone.
Our story was everything but a tragedy. Because Hunter will always be with me, I can feel him in my heart.
I wrap my arms around myself the way he used to and look down at my hands. As I press them against my stomach, I smile. I carry a piece of him with me. He showed me how to love, and I know because of him I’ll love again.
Thanks for sharing Lexi. 🙂